THIS FIRE OF AUTUMN

Such a sweet and quietly despairing letter from Evy from Ghent that was sent to my husband’s endlessly generous Red Hand Files recommending this beautiful autumnal song by Tindersticks. Sending you comforting and grounding thoughts, Evy.  Love and many thanks, Susie x

Dear Nick and Susie,

I want to send this amazing song by Tindersticks to you: ‘This fire of autumn’. I actually just found out that tinder sticks are wooden sticks to start a fire.
I need them right now, sticks to start a fire. I feel so strange, outer worldly. Like I’m stuck in my body but also looking down on it. Not attached to anything earthly at all. I try to look at the changing autumn scene in front of our window as much as possible, walk and ride my bike and look at the beautiful colours of the trees – the mist above the water in front of our house, play parlour games with my daughter—all to stay attached to the here and now; but it’s really difficult. Please think a grounding, comforting thought for me. I’m not scared in these times, it just feels like I’m fading.

All my love, always, Evy

This Fire of Autumn 

Everything we cannot keep,
arranged to be left behind.
Leaves a crackle
as dead as stones.
We don’t want nothing that don’t belong to us.
We don’t want nothing we can live without.
In this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn.
All the words we never say,
couldn’t make any difference.
Leave them to the flame,
with everything you can’t forget.
In this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn,
the fire, the fire…
All my love grew selfishly,
averse to come to reason.
What is left to give?
A clenched fist in a gentle love.
In this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn.
We don’t want nothing we can live without.
We don’t want nothing that don’t belong to us.
Just hold me as I’m burning,
hold me as I scream.
In this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn,
this fire of autumn,
this fire, the fire, the fire